horses of the month
click on each image to see it in full size or click on the photo credit to see the unsplash page
OCTOBER 2024
can you believe its october already? this horse can, and is getting into the halloween spirit by getting ready to spook anyone who comes by. unfortunately, it does not camouflage well. it's trying, but it really is a futile attempt at finding fun when you're a bright white horse. i can't imagine it keeps clean easy. oh, well. sucks to suck, horse! photo credit: annie spratt on unsplash.
SEPTEMBER 2024
sorry for the lack of a horse last month... i started college. anyways! hello, september! these horses are standing in a dry, arid field, backs to the camera not unlike your feline friend showing you the shit on her ass, though rather than coming closer these horses are walking away from you. they're too good for you, obviously-- just look at the shine on that brown horse's coat. there's a palpable sombreness to this photo, though, as if they hoped for better from you. they believed in you, Y/N. and you let them down. photo credit: cynthia del río on unsplash.
JULY 2024
great black stallion of summer / must be a helluva stunner / splish n splashin in the water / wonder whos this freaks father / got those icy blue eyes / and those hooves that can capsize / better start to agonise / cause this beast is king-sized
happy july! i don't know what i'm doing. photo credit: oranstudio.il on unsplash.
JUNE 2O24
this month's horse has a solemn expression on its face as it stands in a lovely field just after golden hour. i think this horse is ungrateful. perhaps it has just left its parents to be on its own and go to horse college, or perhaps it has just witnessed something truly, truly appalling. either way, this is beautiful scenery. dearest june horse, i compel you so: get over it, dude! take in the sights. live. photo credit: giorgio manenti on unsplash.
APRIL 2O24
these horses know how to have a fun time: by staring directly at some poor schmuck who's just trying to enjoy the sights and sounds of a beautiful meadow in the middle of fucking nowhere. you know, i don't interact with horses all that much in my day to day. it's like, the occasional observance of a horse when i travel long-distance, these reviews, and a lot of stupid jokes. my robotics team drove down to socal recently for a competition and holy shit there were so many horses. i actually saw one prancing around. horses always just fucking stand around like the ones in this picture, you know? i dont think they think very hard about things. they're very serious animals, to me. these horses want to make a business deal with you. they want you to invest in horsecoin. photo credit: bethany legg on unsplash.
MARCH 2O24
this horse stands alone in a large, grassy field: as all horses should be. he has all this grass to eat, though no one to share it with. i'd say it's a tragic fate, but horses probably don't have feelings. (this is also a seriously gorgeous photo, so props to the photographer. shame the horse is in the way.) photo credit: michael sala on unsplash.
FEBRUARY 2O24
these three horses are trotting through a lovely clearing in a forest. this photo is really great because you can see all of the detailed gross musculature of these horses. and they're all making direct eye contact with you. i think these horses are fucking ableist. photo credit: gene devine on unsplash.
JANUARY 2024
"hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" - these horses (shorter horse review this month. i hate january.) photo credit: vivian arcidiacono on unsplash.
december 2023
this horse is getting into the winter spirit! even with the snowy weather they are joyous. i always envy a horse. this month, there's no satirical bite to this review. this is a genuinely gorgeous horse, and i hope they have a wonderful winter day. happy holidays if you celebrate! photo credit: matthias koch on unsplash.
november 2023
this horse is perhaps lost in the forest that surrounds her. she seems pretty pretentious too, just look at how her hair is combed back. fancy fucking horse. gorgeous. the epitome of the modern horse made for equestrian riding. photo credit: jacques bopp on unsplash.
october 2023
why hello there, october horse. a spookier one for this month, this horse's bulging eye almost meets yours in a quite unsettling and bewitching way. this horse has a lovely black coat and is sweating like the fucking devil, which is apparently something horses do. concerning, honestly! photo credit: daniel bonilla on unsplash.
september 2023
this gorgeous horse just got a haircut and is excited to show you. she probably matches with her equestrian, who's probably named some classic name like anna. and the horse's name is maple, and they are best friends, and will prove it to you in an 100 page children's book which is part of a never ending series of content production with the same goddamn moral: the power of friendship and animals. photo credit: silje midtgård on unsplash.
august 2023
this horse knows how to have fun. it has a spring in its step and the largest, most disturbing eyes i've ever seen. this is the kind of horse that gets statues made of it. what a freak! photo credit: helena lopes on unsplash.
july 2023
this months horse looks at us with a certain twinkle in its eye. i'd like to think that this is the face that horses make when they are about to do something mischievous, such as take a massive dump or buck its rider off to their certain doom. photo credit: pieter van noorden on unsplash.