ectoBiologist (timeline)
PLAYING NOW: GREEN GHOST - COLOURS AND MAYHEM UNIVERSE BYour name is JOHN. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN. You also like to play GAMES sometimes.
What will you do?
PRE-SCRATCH
john lands in maple valley, washington, on april 13, 1996, destroying the prankster's gambit, a joke shop run by his grandmother jane. she dies in the impact, though her son, one doctor david brinner, picks up john and adopts him as his kid. from then on she lives a relatively average suburban life, learning to play piano and eating way too much fucking cake on account of his father's baking habits. she makes friends with jade, rose, and dave online, which eventually leads to an online game that ends the world on his birthday.
EB: tell me what is wrong with this picture.
june and rose cooperate on getting john in the game. rose sets up all the devices john needs to use-- the cruxtruder, alchemiter, totem lathe, and later the punch designix. june pops open the cruxtruder and gets a cruxite dowel, starts a countdown, and releases the kernelsprite, which prototypes with the harlequin doll. she carves the dowel using the cruxite apple punch card, then, using the alchemiter, alchemises a cruxite tree which the apple falls from. he bites into the apple as a meteor bears down on her house, and everything goes dark.
john's house gets transported to the Land of Wind and Shade, high above the clouds on a steep cliff. he's commanded around by WV and farts around her house for a while. nanna egbert gets prototyped with the sprite, creating nannasprite! she tells june all about the game in a rather cryptic and riddly manner. rose builds up johns house and john climbs, fighting imps and ogres along the way.
at one point, june goes on an alchemy binge, making a whole bunch of sweet new weaponry, outfits, and bullshit paraphernalia. this starts a trend of alchemy binges that unfortunately ends at hivebent.
june reaches the top and takes a nap, seeing a bunch of clouds turning into shapes in her dreams. the very last cloud is shaped like jade, though john wakes before she can see her ectosister, which would be the first time jade is portrayed in comic. he then makes his way down to her land via the first of seven gates above his house, where she begins talking to trolls again.
CG: THIS HUMAN EMOTION YOU CALL FRIENDSHIP.
EB: friendship isn't an emotion fucknuts.
the first & most notable branch in the timeline is when terezi (a troll) convinces john to see her denizen early-- a denizen is basically a giant monster who acts as a final boss and a quest giver for the player who it is assigned to. typheus easily kills june, and jade never gets into the game, instead getting killed by a meteor. dave and rose spend four months in a dead session before dave travels back in time and self-prototypes with 'main' dave's sprite, becoming davesprite and stopping june from dying.
june flies around a bit before terezi redirects him towards the second gate, which leads june to rose's land. since rose isn't there, john lets herself in to roses room and responds to kanaya (also a troll), falsifying 'rose's' first conversation with kanaya. she takes the knit bunny, unwittingly gives dave the captcha codes to rose's journals, and sets up a prank before departing. he explores rose's land and finds the transportaliser to the ectobiology lab in the veil.
dream john wakes up when prospit is under attack, causing her waking self to fall asleep. while his sleeping waking self (wow) gets rescued by AR, dream june receives liv tyler (bunny cyborg, don't worry about it) and the queen's ring, finds his mom and roses dad, then reawakens by vriska's psychics. she forges a friendship with vriska (troll again) as vriska guides john along her path towards gr8ness, getting jade in the game and then falling asleep again.
he wakes surrounded by green fire. WV (chess guy) prods june until she is able to do the windy thing, putting out the fire and awakening his wind powers. vriska advises him along the path of god tier, and jack (evil chess guy) kills her on her quest bed. her dreamself ascends to the god tiers and she wanders skaia.
june removes the tumor (a giant bomb) from skaia and puts it in the wallet modus, giving the wallet to CD (chess guy 3), WV and liv tyler and recieving the warhammer of zillyhoo from liv. his computer is left in the wallet modus, leaving him with no way of contact. this proves an issue when jade tries to message him about his father's death.
she finds out soon enough, though, as she finds grimdark rose in a skaian castle and rose leads him to their dead parents after trying to explain their deaths to june, despite only being able to speak in eldritch tongues. they encounter jack at their parents' site of death, who instantly kills june, though she reawakens via the conditional immortality god tier grants him. she kisses rose back to life, then ventures to LOHAC by karkat's request.
AG: It's hard to keep a god dead for good. We can only die under very specific circumstances. Didn't I mention?
june initiates the scratch on dave's planet and quickly is transported to a recently god-tiered jade, who grabs a prospitian ship and all of their planets. john, jade, and davesprite, as well as nannasprite and a shit load of consorts, board the ship and break through the fourth wall to embark on their three year journey through the yellow yard.
INTERMISSION (POST-SCRATCH)
john crocker landed on the alpha iteration of planet earth in the year 1910, from where he was adopted by her imperious condescension (under the guise of betty crocker) alongside his sister, jade. john grows up raised mostly by colonel sassacre (worse mark twain), continuing to stay with his adoptive parents even after jade runs away. john grows up to be a famous comedian, basically replacing harry anderson, especially in night court. john crocker dies at the age of 86, likely due to jane's meteor landing on him.
notably, )(er Imperious Condescension, the troll empress, also made the journey from pre- to post-scratch, looking to find the right world to attempt to bring back the alternian empire. instead of jane egbert being raised as her heiress, john crocker is raised as her heir and jane later as the heiress to bccorp, which is, in post-scratch, a huge baking and tech conglomerate which eventually has a chokehold on the american government.
END INTERMISSION
crossing the yellow yard is three long, long years of nothing happening. jade and davesprite get together and break up, and john loses his shit at davesprite a few times, and they play the ghostbusters mmo. they visit the dreambubbles in their sleep. june has a brief encounter with bec noir in his dreams, and later a slightly-longer encounter with vriska and tavros (shitty troll), where she squabbles with tavros over the ring of life and vriska tells him about lord english, a 'huge overpowered green freak' who's been killing ghosts and destroying reality, and a few different plans to defeat him, the most notable to his story being some great treasure that holds great heroes within.
while the prospitian ship enters the new session, john still sleeps. she rejoins vriska, tavros, and a small handful of other trolls as they reach the location of the treasure meant to defeat L.E.. it's some weird glowing house shaped thing, suspiciously similar to a certain webcomic logo. june sticks his arm through it, causing said arm to be retconned into like, 40 different homestuck panels. his dreamself dissapates and his waking self is transported across homestuck itself before finally landing on LOMAX, the planet of one jake english, to meet the meteor crew.
grimbark jade shows up to put an end to the meteor crew + john happy fun times and zaps everyone away before attacking june. he zaps away, using the wind to cover his tracks, as well as blow away some weird artefact shit thats showing up everywhere. rose asks her to find this sessions players while he's on LOLAR, though jade shows up before rose can come up with a message for her mom (teen edition) and he zaps away again.
he interrupts an important conversation between jade and dave before going back and telling herself to uninterrupt it and find roxy, though he does surmise that this exciting new power of hers allows her to time-travel and actively change the alpha timeline without dooming it.
JOHN: who's roxy?
he does find roxy, though, and they chat for a bit, about god-tier powers, their experiences in sburb, and their respective friends. roxy tells june about calliope, a dead cherub hidden in the dream bubbles, and john offers to use the ring of life to bring her back. she returns to the ship to grab it, and finds it to be missing.
she zaps away again into the webcomic HOMOSUCK, a really fucking terrible parody of homestuck itself. she grows more and more enraged before zapping out of the comic and into caliborn's room, soon realising that he is the creator of homosuck and beating the shit out of him.
john returns to the session and finds pretty much everyone either dead or dying. she stumbles across dirk strider, who's slowly consumed by the special stardust artefacts. on lolar he finds roxy and rose, of which only roxy remains unharmed. rose dies in roxy's arms, and june and roxy mourn together before terezi crashes in and demands that june fixes this.
they confer, and decide that both he and roxy will go see their denizens to sort out their powers. june's retcon abilities may be able to revert the timeline to a salvageable state, though before june leaves, terezi requests that he comes up with some sort of phrase to hold onto and remember.
john heads off to lowas to meet with typheus. he's issued The Choice at the core of her planet, given terms that she quickly accepts. the core floods with oil, and june nearly drowns before he thinks to retcon away the oil across the timeline, thus completing his quest and clearing her planet of any oil. the fireflies are set free, the cartridge is cleared, and her abilities are mastered.
june meets roxy on lowas, which is now separated from reality as it may be. they discuss the choices they were both given by their denizens-- whether to remain here, fade away, and allow a new, unmassacred timeline to sprout, or to join this new timeline and take on its responsibilities with the knowledge of this timeline's loss and that same loss being spread to everyone they know.
john zaps off into the great beyond after they chat a little (a lot) more, and retcons aimlessly before finding his way back to LOPAN and terezi by way of the phrase she told him to remember. they (basically just terezi) figure out a plan, and she leaves june a list of instructions before drawing a chalk outline of a body and dying right on top of it.
